Mestemacher Westfälischer Pumpernickel

Appearance: pleasant. In terms of shape, we’re talking a classic rectangular shape, very thin slices, nice corners.
Taste: not as bitter as most pumpernickels. Also pleasant. If we are to believe the label, this bread has won awards for taste.

Packaging: The packaging is a bit sweaty–one must be careful when removing a piece so as not to break it because it does break very easily. The pieces are pressed very closely together and I’ve even used a knife to slide between them to ensure a clean removal.

Toastability: I would say this bread does not taste that different toasted as compared to plain. Maybe it is an untoastable bread? More research required on toast-resistant qualities.
Texture/Density: Chewy and dense but again, not a great surface/platform, as the consumer must be very careful while eating that crumbles/breaks do not occur. I understand that this bread was cooked at some point but for some reason it gives the impression that it was not, if that makes sense? Like how could it have been?
Other positives: Vegan.
Marketing: Ok I have questions. Mainly, am I missing something?? Really do not understand this image and how it relates to this bread. Is this a reference to Nordrhein-Westfalen that I do not understand? Is NRW known for being particularly white, straight and fond of partners who are fond of pumpernickel? 

“Brot-Delikatesse mit feinem süßlichen Geschmack, der durch die lange, schonende Backzeit von bis zu 20 Stunden entsteht.” I can’t be the only one now reading this “long, gentle baking time” as somewhat sensual… 

OVERALL RATING: 7/10, without marketing would be an 8.5/10, but I’m sorry I just can’t endorse this image and I really want to live in a world where I can pick up a loaf of bread and don’t have to worry about that bread also being unnecessarily sexualized. I guess sex really does ruin everything.